I bring you this week’s top breaking news story of national significance.
I never knew how dangerous it is to eat Bunnings sausages. It’s the onions. Apparently you can slip and hurt something – other than your pride – if you buy a sausage and onion sanga at Bunnings. They are slippery little devils if put on top of the sausage instead of underneath, snuggled safely on the bread. Bunnings must be littered with piles of onions just waiting for you to slip on them, fall and injure yourself. That must be the case as Bunnings has put out a new ruling related to the charity tent onion/sausage sangas. Thousands of charities apply to run Sausage Sizzle stalls outside the company’s 294 stores every week, and receive all the money they raise through sales.
In order to manage the high level risk, Bunnings has decreed that all onions in future must be placed beneath the sausage.
The chief operating officer of Bunnings said this drastic measure had to be taken. ‘Safety is always our number one priority and we recently introduced a suggestion that onion be placed underneath sausages to help prevent the onion from falling out and creating a slipping hazard.’
This ruling has created a veritable storm of discussion, outrage and debate. People have very strong views about where the onion rings should be located. Even the Prime Minister of Australia has declared his love for Bunnings sausages publicly whilst overseas stating he will continue eating them wherever the onions are located. The new ruling was discussed on Tuesday whilst he was representing our country at the ASEAN summit in Singapore.
There are those who wail that the slice of bread gets soggy if onions are in direct contact. I can well imagine how horrid a soggy slice of bread would taste. Not to mention that soggy bread falls apart making it impossible to hold everything sitting on top of it. Just imagine. In future, the hallowed halls of Bunnings will be littered with more than onions. There will be soggy bread, sauce, onions AND sausages! I am not a lone voice with this concern. I found this on Twitter –
Re Bunnings snarlers, my Mum has messaged me to note “if you put the onions underneath the sausage the flimsy bread goes soggy and the whole thing collapses. Ergo, risk of onion slippage exponentially increases.”
And of course there was the fella who won a meat tray at his local footy club. Drunk as a skunk, he lost his thongs. As is the case in most pubs, no footwear, no entry. He was told to get some. So he took two pork chops from the meat tray and fixed them onto his feet. As you do. However, he slipped and skidded on the pub floor and the bones cut his feet. He injured his back. Unable to work, riven by anxiety attacks and PTSD from all pork related matters, he sued the pub. And won. On the grounds that the pub was negligent by equipping him with the said slippery chops.
Anyone for a Bunnings sausage sanga?
Steps for Peace
We don’t need to be politically correct. We need to be morally right.