Why is that getting old (-er) forces us to confront yucky stuff?
In my recent annual doctor check-up I was reminded by her – ever so gently – that I was over-due for a bowel screen. Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This poem was penned after my first and only experience some years ago …..
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!
What am I to doooo ?!
The gov’mint sent a personal invitation
to Citizens of Age
to support
a delicate and private health promotion
of National Importance
it was said.
I felt it my duty to comply
so ticked the box reply.
***
The postman delivered a parcel
instructions and equipment
enclosed.
I read them carefully.
Put them aside.
Pondered
and debated
before I decided.
***
Took the sample.
Sent it in the envelope for testing
not expecting
any further treating.
***
Oh yes,
I could not have been wronger!
Oh me, oh my, there was to be MORE !!!
***
The test it came back positive,
for occult blood, they said.
(not of the demonic kind
for peace of mind)
***
I was not in the least bit worried.
No, no, no, not at all.
I would simply ask
my local friendly doctor
for a sign off,
no further action needed.
***
It turned out
he was not so friendly after all.
Cross, he told me off,
in no uncertain terms.
Did not take seriously my lament –
’twas but a surface tear, I said.
He said – Oh no,
how do you know?
You wanted to participate
so participate you will.
You must, you simply must, follow through
now that you have gone this far.
***
To those of you who do not know
the preparation for the
‘examination’
was an abomination!
***
Ghastly tasting poison
to be drunk in litres
had the innards gurgling, gargling,
churning, whirring, stirring
till without a warning
out it came
repeatedly
in gallons!
I shat me pants.
***
The preparation for the ‘oscopy
was the worst humiliating catastrophe.
How was the colonoscopy you ask?
A cinch.
An anti-climax.
Clear.
Normal.
Told you so!!
© Raili Tanska
Steps for Peace
Avoid stress if at all possible!
Been there done that, I relate so well to your pain and embarrassment….but they tell me it has to be done.
Aaaaah the plumber in me is laughing, the poet in me is sighing, yes I had mine done, found a bit of scum, five years on, it’s all gone, no more pesty tests, I’ve received a five year rest.
It’s amazing how many people have had it done! And nobody talks about it. But then, why would you – it’s so … soooo 😦
Oouy goouy, and yukky
Perfect description !
Oh tell me about it! I thought I had written about my colonoscopy in my “colostomy” category, but it must have been a private sharing! That disgusting drink, the runs – and then gas-and-air at one end and the ignominy of repeated farting at the other to facilitate the procedure which in my case (my colon being inflamed) was extremely painful. On the other hand, once I had my colostomy, a colonoscopy through the stoma was a doddle, and I got see my appendix from the inside on the display.
Geez, you’ve been through the mill and some! Hope all is well now
Absolutely fine now, even the memory is fading like my scars. I gained a lot from the experience – unfortunately, once it was over, that included unwanted weight!
Good to know you survived it intact 🙂
This is all too real and raw for me! I had my colonoscopy a week ago and I’ll be 53 tomorrow!
I trust all was clear for you. Not the most pleasant thing to go through
Yes, all well, thanks.
Been there, done that, not pleasant but bearable. I think it’s the embarrassment more than the examination!
Glad to hear you’re all clear! Good on you for sharing.
Thanks Opher 🙂
Lol, I’ve had three in my earlier years, swallowing that stuff! Makes me 🤢 just thinking about it! But felt great afterwards 😉
Well, it’s one way of cleaning out the old pipes !
Yep 👍
So pleased it was ‘clear’, Raili.. 🙂
“Took the sample.
Sent it in the envelope for testing.”
Yep, have done this now twice; the last just a few months past. It sure is good to get the ‘all clear’. 🙂
🙂
💩 glad all’s clear Raili!
🙂
Ah yes, the prep is so much worse than the actual event. You’d think with all the advances in modern medicine we wouldn’t have endure that horrific torture.
We’ve a long way to go yet with various screenings. I think us girls get the worst of it what with mammograms and pap smears as well 😦
Here in the UK, we do bowel screening at home. They send you a little pack with three test envelopes. You do a poo and send a minuscule sample off in your packs. I’d HATE an ‘examination!’ PS, I changed my avatar – but I’m still Elizabeth, though, following you…..
That’s how it starts here too except our pack ha two test envelopes. If the sample is identified as containing occult or frank blood, then it’s the whole shebang. Thanks for letting me know. I always enjoy reading your posts
lol talk about timely, we were talking about this exciting process at lunch today … a colleague is about to have the experience so I related mine … trying to get to the appt by bus with that spurting stuff 😦
Oh no !!! Did you make it ?
lol with quite a few stops for public loos … fortunately the bus ticket lasts two hours from time of purchase so just cost me time and discomfort 😦
You were incredibly brave to risk bussing it!
had no choice, oh for a friend with a car 🙂
I’m so glad your colonoscopy went well! I feel your pain. I’m due for one myself and can’t seem to make myself go through with it. I’m terrified of being put out. You’re brave. Go out for a drink and celebrate.
Here they just give a mild sedative – I got to watch it on screen! But then, I am a nurse….
Wow! I’d go for the mild sedative and watch it on screen! I’m going to ask my doctors if that’s possible.
It was interesting – and the procedure itself was not so bad. Just gets a bit painful when they go round the bendy bits, but if the nurse presses down on your tummy it makes it much easier
Thanks for sharing those details. I’ll look into it.
My last such procedure also came back clear. I anticipate the same, in two years’ time.
That’s good news !
A friend of mine got that test through the post. She sent off the samples, which resulted in a further test that showed she was in the early stages of bowel cancer. She had an op which included a temporary colostomy. It has since been reversed. Thank goodness for those tests. If she’d ignored hers, her prognosis might have been very different.
What a good outcome for her!
Well put! I still have one of those invites from the government sitting around