Saturday Smiles – Old Man Jokes

An elderly man in Queensland owned a large property for several years. 

He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango & avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built & he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a 10 litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting & laughing.

As he came closer he saw it was 4 young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence & they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him: ‘We’re not coming out until you leave.’

The old man frowned: ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked.’

Holding the bucket up he said: ‘I’m here to feed the crocodile.’

Old men may walk slowly, but they can still think fast.

 

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly – he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replies. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”

“Wow! That’s a great idea!!” he exclaims.

“Good,” she replies. “Get your own damn blanket!”

After a moment of silence, he farted.

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

“Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.”

“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

🙂  Have an awesome weekend 🙂

Raili Tanska

Steps for Peace

Laugh out loud – often

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