Saturday Smiles – car stuff

surprised emoticonA blonde walks into a bank in central New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The blonde replies, “Where else in central New York City can I park my Rolls for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

 

A grizzled old trucker was eating in a truck stop when three Hell’s Angels’ bikers walked in. The first biker walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter.

A moment later the second biker walked up to the old man, spat into the old man’s milk and then he too took a seat at the counter.

The third biker walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, that old coot, he was not much of a man, was he?”

The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles and drove off.”

 

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. Shortly after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man says, “What’s the problem officer?”

Officer: “You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ticket you.”

Man: “No sir, I was going a little over 60.”

Wife: “Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80!” (The man gives wife dirty look.)

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.”

Man: “Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!”

Wife: “Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks!” (The man gives his wife another a dirty look.)

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.”

Man: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.”

Wife: “Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!”

The Man turns to his wife and yells, “For cryin’ out loud, can’t you just shut up?!”

The officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”

And so the wife says, “No officer, only when he’s drunk.”

 

Raili Tanska

Steps for Peace
Smile – from the heart
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18 thoughts on “Saturday Smiles – car stuff

  1. A drug dealer walks into a police station and places £10,000 in front of the desk Sergeant . He says he found it on the street he’d come to hand it in as lost property. The desk Sergeant is impressed by his honesty, and tells him that if it’ not claimed within three months, it will become the man’s property. The Sergeant tells other police officers about what an upright citizen he is,, and they all shake him by the hand and clap his back.
    Three months later the money has not been claimed. The man goes back. All the police officers on duty are pleased for him, saying he deserves his reward for being such an upright citizen. He walks out with the wad on cash, smiling modestly. He jumps into the passenger seat a waiting car.

    “Bingo!” he says, “That’s another ten grand of drugs money successfully laundered.”

    (Not the funniest joke ever, but when my nephew found £200 a while ago, he took it into the police station. No-one claimed it, so he got it back a few months later. It struck me that the only person who loses £200 and doesn’t go to the cop shop on the off-chance that it has been handed in, is a drug dealer. That’s when I came up with this joke)

      1. I think it’s the only original joke I’ve ever come up with. When it first struck me that it would be an interesting way for a drug dealer to launder money, I was walking to the shops, and laughing so much that I had to phone Paul. You don’t look quite so much like a madwoman if you’re laughing on the phone 🙂

      2. Same here. It took me a while to catch on. I thought some kind of madness had gripped the town. It seemed to be connected to the kind of clothes they wore, like there was an insanity virus lurking in suits, All the guys who were talking to themselves wore suits.

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