Saturday Smiles – Duh! – soulgifts

Brian walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Brian and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Brian said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Brian placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge
did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Brian.
“Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Brian replied,
“I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied,
“I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Brian took the money.

Murphy says to Paddy, “What ya talkin into an envelope for?”
“I’m sending a voicemail ya fool!”

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pan, energy-efficient kind.

Today I got a call from Home Depot who had installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.

Just because I’m a Senior Citizen doesn’t mean that I am automatically mentally challenged. So I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year – ‘that these windows would pay for themselves in a year.’

It’s been a year, so they’re obviously paid for I told him.

There was silence at the other end of the line so I hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

A Cleaner was applying for a new position. When asked why she left her last employment she replied, ‘Yes, sir, the

wages were good, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. They played a game they called BRIDGE, and last week a lot of folks were there.

As I was about to bring refreshments, I heard a man say ‘Lay down and let’s see what you’ve got.’

Another man said ‘I got strength, but not much length.’

And then another man said to a lady, ‘Take your hand off my trick.’

I pretty near dropped dead when a lady answered, ‘You forced me,

you jumped me twice when you didn’t have the strength for one good raise.’

Another lady was talking about protecting her honour. And, two ladies were talking and one said, ‘Now it’s my turn to play with your husband while you play with mine.’

Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I hope to die if one them didn’t say, ‘Well, I guess we can go home, this is our last rubber!’

Raili Tanska