Saturday Smiles

Two little old ladies, Connie & Evelyn were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The short one, Connie, leaned over and said, ‘Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I’d take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!’

‘You’re on!’ said Evalyn, holding up a $10.00 bill.

So Connie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling Connie came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

‘What happened?’ asked Evalyn .

‘I won $1,000 as 1st prize for ‘Best Dried Arrangement.. !’

 

I could see that Jim (actor James Garner) was very neat around his place. Flowers trimmed, no papers in the yard, grass always cut. So, just to piss him off, I’d start lobbing empty beer cans down the hill into his driveway. He’d have his drive all spic and span when he left the house, then get home to find all these empty cans. Took him a long time to figure out it was me.
– Steve McQueen

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed and lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus and drove up over the curb, stopping inches from a large window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then the driver quietly said, “Please don’t do that! You scared the daylights out of me.” The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize a tap on the shoulder could startle someone so much—to which the driver replied, “It’s really not your fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for 25 years.”

“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.

We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”

Have an awesome weekend! 

Raili Tanska

Steps for Peace
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass.
It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
GeniusQuotes.net

 

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18 thoughts on “Saturday Smiles

  1. Reminders to self:
    1. Don’t drink coffee when reading Raili’s Saturday Smiles.
    2. If I can’t get the stain out of this top, buy a new one, and send Raili the bill. 😀 😀 😀

      1. Naturally.
        I replaced the top with a hand spun, hand embroidered, wild silk top with beads made of diamonds and rubies stitched around the neckline and hem. Picked it up in a nice little shop called Harrods. I’m sure you understand that one is used to garments of a certain… quality… 🙂

      2. I do indeed. Regrettably I must inform you that *clears throat* embarrassing as it is, one’s financial means are somewhat *clears throat again* limited. Although happy to recompense the inconvenience and cost of replacing a valued garment, my means are limited to those purchased from establishments such as Oxfam. I’m sure you understand 🙂

      3. Oh.
        Well, in that case, I’ll admit that the only item I ever bought from Harrods was a pair of socks, when I was 19 and they wouldn’t give a carrier bag to add my collection, unless I bought something 🙂

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