Saturday Smiles

Two female teachers took a group of students from  grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse.

When it was time to take the children to the ‘bathroom’, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their ‘wee-wees’ to direct the flow away from their  clothes and shake them dry.

As she lifted one boy up, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, ‘You must  be in Grade 3?

‘No ma’am’, he replied. ‘I’m riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.’’

 

Bob ​was staring  sadly into his beer and sighed heavily.

“What’s up Bob?” asked the bartender…It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth.”

“It’s my five year old son…” Bob replied.

“Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about it, it happens to boys that age,” said the bartender, sympathetically.

“ I only wish it was that,” continued the customer, “ but it’s far worse than that. The little devil has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant.”“Get away, that’s impossible!” gasped the bartender.

“It’s not,” said Bob.  “The little bastard stuck a pin in all my condoms.”

 

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
 
‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’, St. Peter asked.

‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered.

‘On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.  So, I approached the  largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.  I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the shit out of all of you!’

St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?’
‘Couple of minutes ago.’

😀  Have an awesome weekend  😀

Raili Tanska

Steps for Peace

Smile – it makes everything seem better!
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