soulgifts – Telling Tales

For the Seniors amongst us –

People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit – George Burns

A few days after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Bar Harbor man answered his door to find two grim-faced Harbor Master officers.

“We’re sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife,”

“Tell me! Did you find her?!” Cedric Flynn asked.

One officer said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news”!

Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The officer said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this
morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.”

“Lord sufferin’ Jesus!” exclaimed Flynn. What could possibly be the good news?”

The officer continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Maine Lobsters that you’ve ever seen clinging to her……..Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 60’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share of the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The officer replied,

“We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow”

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been – Mark Twain

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?”
“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” 
“No” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON … OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone – Jim Fiebig

A short neurological test

1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
699999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999

3 – Now find the N below. It’s a little more difficult.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you
can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you’re far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.

Congratulations!
Oh. One more test…. Find the 44th USA President.

Well, congratulations, you’re not color blind either!

The idea is to die young as late as possible – Ashley Montagu

SENIOR Citizens are the nation’s leading carriers of AIDS –

HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS

ROLL AIDS

WALKING AIDS

MEDICAL AIDS

GOVERNMENT AIDS

MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AIDS TO THEIR KIDS!

Not forgetting HIV (Hair is Vanishing)

If you worry, you die. If you don’t worry, you also die. So why worry? Mike Horn

 Have a surreal weekend !

Definition of dying: To suddenly stop sinning – Anonymous

Raili Tanska

Steps for Peace

Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years. Ausonius