Saturday Smiles

A  timely follow up for my mushroom  post

Mushrooms

She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.

Her husband suggested, “Why don’t you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream?

“No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.”
“Well, I see squirrels eating them and they’re OK.”

So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite.

All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn’t affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success. After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear,
“Mum, Spot is dead.”
Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, “That’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I’ll call for an ambulance and I’ll be there as quickly as I can. We’ll give everyone enemas and we’ll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.”

Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road. The  Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

Well after midnight, after the last one was done the doctor came out and said,
“Everything will be okay now,” and with that he left.

The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum….. “I can’t believe that bloke!”

“What bloke?”

“You know, the bastard who ran over Spot; he never even slowed down.”

men, dressed up

The Cynical Philosopher . . .   makes you think

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?:♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?   That’s your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Raili Tanska
Peace is the father of friendship. ~African proverb
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