Saturday Smiles

I love this one!!!

An ad in an American newspaper.

robbery

AN ACTUAL CRAIG’S LIST PERSONAL AD:

To the guy who tried to mug me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2017-01-17, 1.43am. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I can only hope you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I’d like to apologise for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.

She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head… isn’t it?

bare foot

I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with crap in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made  you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done.

Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, — on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Can Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. (That made his day!)

I then threw your wallet into the big pink ‘pimp mobile’ that was parked at the curb …. after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Trump as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you… but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

handcuffs

Have a great weekend !  Raili

Steps for Peace

My attitude to peace is rather based on the Burmese definition of peace – it really means removing all the negative factors that destroy peace in this world. So peace does not mean just putting an end to violence or to war, but to all other factors that threaten peace, such as discrimination, such as inequality, poverty. Aung San Suu Kyi
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35 thoughts on “Saturday Smiles

    1. Gun laws in Ausralia were tightened up with an amnesty period where people could turn theirs in without penalty. Thousands of weapons were destroyed. Of course if someone really wants one they can still get them – it’s illegal to own one without a licence. It makes it harder to source illegal ones – it still happens but less.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Great story…it’s been circulating around the internet for years, so the date being earlier this year is false. As a the son of a retired police chief and a former “Concealed Weapons Permit” instructor in South Carolina, I too am concerned about novices walking around armed. Ongoing training is important because high stress shooting is different than being at the range on a Saturday afternoon. There are many cliche’s about guns. Two of my favorites are “When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns” (see Chicago, IL) and “When you need a cop in seconds, they will be there in minutes” It’s getting to the point where if you don’t take personal responsibility for your family’s safety (within the laws of where you live) then you have to be ready to accept what could happen.

    Lastly, why be terrified of ordinary citizens being armed?. . . ordinary criminals are.

    Liked by 1 person

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