Saturday’s funnies

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Stewart and his wife Barbara go to the county fair every year.

And every year Stewart would say, “Barbara, I’d like to ride in that helicopter”

Barbara always replied, “I know Stewart, but that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid!”

One year later Stewart and Barbara went to the fair, and Stewart said, “Barbara, I’m 75 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance”

To this, Barbara replied, “Stewart, that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid”

The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s seventy quid. ”

Stewart and Barbara agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again. But still not a word…

When they landed, the pilot turned to Stewart and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.

I’m impressed!”

Stewart replied, “Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Barbara fell out, but you know, seventy quid is seventy quid!”

 

Remember when you could refer to your knees as right and left ย – instead of good and bad? ย Good times, eh ?!

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Growing old is hard work – the mind says ‘yes’ but the body says “What the hell are you thinking?!”

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PUSH – if that doesn’t work – PULL. If that doesn’t work We Must Be Closed.

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Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young I had to walk 9 feet through shag pile carpet to change the TV channel.

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You know you’re getting OLD when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking ” I may as well pee while I’m here.”

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Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

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I’ve decided on my new career. I’m going to be a backwards stripper, I come out on stage naked and they pay me to put my clothes back on.

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Raili Tanska

 

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