Sunday Silliness

Blonde Helping a Trucker

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?”

“Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”

“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble”

“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!

There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded, “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!”

“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde. “But we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World.”

A 70 year old man asked his wife, “Do you feel sad when you see my running after young girls?” Wife replied, “No, not at all. Even dogs chase cars they can’t drive!”

Leaving the store, I couldn’t find my keys. They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the cars ignition. Hes afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I have them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and its been stolen.” There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding me?” he barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “well, come and get me” He retorted, “I will just as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your damn car!” Welcome to the golden years….
Paddy and Murphy go for a day of fishing, but when they get to the bridge they realize they have forgotten their equipment. So Murphy comes up with an idea. “Paddy you hold me by the ankles over the bridge and when I see a fish I’ll grab it” so Paddy hangs him over the side. All of a sudden Murphy shouts “Paddy, pull me up quick” Paddy asks “why Murphy, have you caught a fish?” “no Paddy” Murphy replies “there’s a train coming”

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator. Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.” The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?” There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”