It’s an ass !

donkey-328522__180

Ok, it’s time to lighten the mood a bit. I get lots of funny emails sent to me.

I’m going to share a couple with you.  Here’s a Silly Saturday post.

Ü

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper read:

PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter  the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES

PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he

ordered the Pastor to get

rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a

nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted

the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the Bishop so he

ordered the Nun to buy back

the donkey and lead it to the plains where

it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . .

being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery

. . . even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass

and just cover your own !!!

You’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

As we progress into 2016,  I want to thank you for your  educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and  have little chance of recovery.


I can no longer open a bathroom door  
without  using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon  slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the  lemon  peel.

I can’t sit down on a hotel bedspread 
because  I  can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last  washed.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because
  I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over  the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s  handbag 
for fear she  has placed it on the floor of a public  toilet.

I must send  my special thanks 
for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes  because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs   sealing.

ALSO, 
now I have to scrub the top of every can I open  for the same reason.

I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants  
even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot   day.

Thanks to you 
I have learned that my prayers only get  answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a  wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern, 
I no  longer drink Coca Cola because  it can remove toilet   stains.

I no longer buy 
fuel without taking someone  along  to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m  filling up.

I no longer use  Cling Wrap 
in the microwave  because it causes  seven different types of cancer.

And thanks  for letting me know 
I can’t boil a cup of water  in the microwave  anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for  life.

I no longer go to  the cinema 
because I could be  pricked with a  needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no  longer go to shopping  centers 
because someone will drug  me with  a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone  because someone will ask  me to dial a number for which I will get  a  huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and  Uzbekistan .

And thanks to your great advice 
I can’t ever pick  up a  penny coin dropped in the car park because it was   probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend  over.

I can’t do any gardening 
because I’m afraid I’ll get  bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you  don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a  large dove with diarrhea will land  on your head at 5:00 p.m.  tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas  from 120 camels will infest your  back, causing you  to grow a hairy  hump. I know this will occur  because it  actually happened to a  friend of my next door neighbor’s
ex mother-in-law’s second  husband’s cousin’s best friend’s  beautician!

Oh, and by the way…

A German scientist from  Argentina , after a lengthy  study,  has discovered that people with  insufficient brain activity   read their e-mails with their hand on  the mouse.

Don’t  bother taking it off now, it’s too  late.

P. S. I now keep my  toothbrush in the living room, because  I was told by e-mail that  water splashes over 6 ft. out of  the  toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD  DAY !

Raili Tanska

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34 thoughts on “It’s an ass !

  1. LMBO!!!!!!! The donkey story was good (though I expected it to be sold to someone named Balaam!), but the second one was a riot. I had NOT heard some of those. But ok, I admit. The toilet water one has always made me wonder! 😀

      1. Anneli, just had an email from your sister-in-law Dawn about how much she enjoyed this post. Can you thank her for me, please. I can’t seem to reply to her email for some reason. IT gremlins obviously still lurking 😦

      1. It also gives the body and several of the vital organs a thorough workout. It shocks me that some religions frown on belly laughter, saying it’s immoral.

      2. I used to be a mormon. Apparently raucous laughter is a tool of the devil. (tries to keep a straight face, struggles to swallow the laughter which threatens to explode from her, loses battle, falls off chair, curls up, clutching her stomach, roars with laughter, tries to fight off the devil who’s tickling her ribs…)
        I went to our drugs service with Laura this morning, and got into a discussion with the staff about laughter therapy. They asked me if I could do some workshops for their service users. I said I had no training, but they didn’t care. I’m thininking of looking into training. I wonder, would that make me a devil’s handmaiden…
        I need to get involved with the drugs service in some way.

      3. Well I never!!! So that’s why the mormons are so straight laced, lol !!! laughter therapy for the drug services staff sounds like a fantastic idea – I’m sure they can benefit from a good bout or thousand of belly laughs 🙂

      4. I don’t think it was for the staff, but the addicts – but you’re right. They do a difficult and often thankless job, and it’s not rare for one or another of them to take time off to recover from depression – except the doctors put “anxiety” down on their sick notes, because depression can affect future job prospects.

      5. And here I was thinking what a pro-active and supportive team thinking of their staff ! Mind you, I’m sure the addicts need it just as much.

      6. You’re right. We get conditioned out of letting go and being authentic. A bit of embarrassment and laughter is good for the soul !

      7. I agree, and I enjoy being ridiculous in front of an audience sometimes. It puts people at their ease – except for those irritating folk who nervously back away and hide behind the nearest tree, Lol 🙂

  2. oh my, and i chose Today to come visit your blog LOL 😀 😀 quite an entertaining read, thanks, as i now am not holding the mouse ha ha

  3. Oh, dear Raili! You made me laugh so much with the donkey story. I laughed till my stomach hurt, and I couldn’t finish the rest of the post. Very funny 😀

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