Oh my God !! I am sooo bored. Sooo … so – what? I dunno. Can’t even find the words to describe what I feel. Lonely!! That’s it. Hit the nail on the head.
Home alone. Would have a ton of things to do. But I just can’t seem to get out of my own way to organise anything. What’s that saying – can’t find my way out of a wet paper bag? That’s me. No motivation. Zilch, zero, crap all. Think I’ll just curl up into a foetal position. Pretend the world doesn’t exist. Go to sleep. And maybe wake up feeling better. You ever felt like that?
There are times when I find myself at home alone for various reasons. I used to be terrified. Especially at night. Sleep evaded me. I’d curl up on the sofa. Hypervigilant, I would watch shadows convinced I could see them moving. Someone was in the room! Of course there never was. Just my fears growing shapes. Phone and emergency numbers were always close to hand. Just in case. Not that I ever needed them. Having a living, breathing someone nearby was hugely comforting. Like a baby. Or a pet. Anything that was living and breathing. The panacea of another life somehow eased and soothed the loneliness. Like a security blanket it comforted me.
I have grown up now. No longer do I need a security blanket. That shadow filled tunnel of fear and loneliness is a dim, distant memory. Another era. Another lifetime ago. These days I enjoy the solitude. For me now it is a time of serenity and peace. A time when I nurture and nourish my Self. A moment in time when I have no commitments or obligations to anyone other than myself. Sometimes I stop and wonder when, how and why that changed. I don’t really know. And it doesn’t matter. It just did.
© Raili Tanska
Written in response to Lady Calen’s Sandbox Challenge – What Makes You Feel Lonely
Image – Pixabay