The Other Side of Lonely

tube-looking out to sea

Oh my God !! I am sooo bored.  Sooo  … so – what? I dunno. Can’t even find the words to describe what I feel.  Lonely!! That’s it. Hit the nail on the head.

Home alone. Would have a ton of things to do. But I just can’t seem to get out of my own way to organise anything. What’s that saying – can’t find my way out of a wet paper bag? That’s me.  No motivation. Zilch, zero, crap all. Think I’ll just curl up into a foetal position. Pretend the world doesn’t exist.  Go to sleep. And maybe wake up feeling better. You ever felt like that?

There are times when I find myself at home alone for various reasons. I used to be terrified. Especially at night. Sleep evaded me. I’d  curl up on the sofa. Hypervigilant, I would watch shadows convinced I could see them moving. Someone was in the room! Of course there never was. Just my fears growing shapes.  Phone and emergency numbers were always close to hand. Just in case.  Not that I ever needed them. Having a living, breathing someone nearby was hugely comforting. Like a baby.  Or a pet.   Anything that was living and breathing. The panacea of another life somehow  eased and soothed the loneliness. Like a security blanket it comforted me.

I have grown up now. No longer do I need  a security blanket. That shadow filled  tunnel of fear and loneliness is a dim, distant memory. Another era.  Another lifetime ago.   These days I enjoy  the solitude.  For me now it is a time of serenity and peace. A time when I nurture and nourish my Self. A moment in time when I have no commitments or obligations to anyone other than myself.  Sometimes I stop and wonder when, how and why that changed.  I don’t really know. And it doesn’t matter. It just did.

© Raili Tanska

Written in response to Lady Calen’s Sandbox Challenge –  What Makes You Feel Lonely

Image – Pixabay

19 thoughts on “The Other Side of Lonely

      1. Thank you SO much for posting that comment on the blog. I really appreciated the thought you put into it. You’ve brought so much to these writing challenges.

  1. Watching the shadows sounds very familiar. I guess many of us will remember doing that as kids. Generally speaking, I don’t feel lonely when I’m by myself in a quiet place. What I hate is being by myself when there are groups of happy people all around me. That does make me feel lonely.

  2. I love the comparison from earlier to later and how being alone changed. I love my alone time to get recharged and rejuvenated. Totally different than loneliness, though–that I can feel in a crowd or even at the family dinner table occasionally (not often). Great post.

      1. What’s better than awesome? If you’re already a very valued friend whom i deeply care about then vegemite neighbors would just rock! I’d be lonely never again!

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