Shat me pants (oh dear…please don’t take offense)



Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!

What am I to doooo ?!

The gov’mint sent a personal invitation

to Citizens of Age

to support

a delicate and private health promotion

of  National Importance

it was said.

I felt it my duty to comply

so ticked the box reply.


The postman delivered a parcel

 instructions and equipment


I read them carefully.

Put them aside.


and debated

before I decided.


Took the sample.

Sent it in the envelope for testing

not expecting

any further treating.


Oh yes,

I could not have been wronger!

Oh me, oh my, there was to be MORE !!!


The test it came back positive,

for occult blood, they said.

(not of the demonic kind

for peace of mind)


I was not  in the least bit worried.

No, no, no, not  at all.

I would simply ask

my local friendly doctor

for a sign off,

no further action needed.


It turned out

he was not so friendly after all.

Cross, he  told me off,

in no uncertain terms.

Did not take seriously my lament –

’twas but a surface tear, I said.

He said – Oh no,

how do you know?

You wanted to participate

so participate you will.

You must, you simply must, follow through

now that you have gone this far.


To those of you who do not know

the preparation for the


was an abomination!


Ghastly tasting poison

to be drunk in litres

had the innards gurgling, gargling,

churning, whirring, stirring

till without a warning

out it came


in gallons!

I shat me pants.


The preparation for the ‘oscopy

was the worst humiliating catastrophe.


How was the colonoscopy you ask?

A cinch.

An anti-climax.



Told you so!!

The three word prompt for this post is –  “Shat me pants” – thanks? to Rob Wardle!

© Raili Tanska

Images Pixabay


25 thoughts on “Shat me pants (oh dear…please don’t take offense)

  1. Hilarious! Having just reached “that age” where my doctor told me I needed to do “that thing”… I can soooo relate! Laughed and laughed!

  2. Great description of what is to come- eventually… if I can muster up the courage. You are truly a natural story teller.

      1. I believe you. I had the good luck of nothing having been through this examination yet, and I dread the time when I’ll have to undergo it. I know family members who did and declared that it was the worst thing ever.

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