Shat me pants (oh dear…please don’t take offense)

 

laboratory-1149152__180

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!

What am I to doooo ?!

The gov’mint sent a personal invitation

to Citizens of Age

to support

a delicate and private health promotion

of  National Importance

it was said.

I felt it my duty to comply

so ticked the box reply.

***

The postman delivered a parcel

 instructions and equipment

enclosed.

I read them carefully.

Put them aside.

Pondered

and debated

before I decided.

***

Took the sample.

Sent it in the envelope for testing

not expecting

any further treating.

***

Oh yes,

I could not have been wronger!

Oh me, oh my, there was to be MORE !!!

***

The test it came back positive,

for occult blood, they said.

(not of the demonic kind

for peace of mind)

***

I was not  in the least bit worried.

No, no, no, not  at all.

I would simply ask

my local friendly doctor

for a sign off,

no further action needed.

***

It turned out

he was not so friendly after all.

Cross, he  told me off,

in no uncertain terms.

Did not take seriously my lament –

’twas but a surface tear, I said.

He said – Oh no,

how do you know?

You wanted to participate

so participate you will.

You must, you simply must, follow through

now that you have gone this far.

***

To those of you who do not know

the preparation for the

‘examination’

was an abomination!

***

Ghastly tasting poison

to be drunk in litres

had the innards gurgling, gargling,

churning, whirring, stirring

till without a warning

out it came

repeatedly

in gallons!

I shat me pants.

***

The preparation for the ‘oscopy

was the worst humiliating catastrophe.

dr-809930__180

How was the colonoscopy you ask?

A cinch.

An anti-climax.

Clear.

Normal.

Told you so!!

The three word prompt for this post is –  “Shat me pants” – thanks? to Rob Wardle!

© Raili Tanska

Images Pixabay

Advertisements

25 thoughts on “Shat me pants (oh dear…please don’t take offense)

  1. Hilarious! Having just reached “that age” where my doctor told me I needed to do “that thing”… I can soooo relate! Laughed and laughed!

  2. Great description of what is to come- eventually… if I can muster up the courage. You are truly a natural story teller.

      1. I believe you. I had the good luck of nothing having been through this examination yet, and I dread the time when I’ll have to undergo it. I know family members who did and declared that it was the worst thing ever.

Comments are closed.