Do you think I’ll go to heaven? Now that I’ve been abandoned….
It wasn’t always like that. I longingly remember the days he would reach up and take me off the shelf. Show my cover to the kids. If they were good, they were allowed to carefully touch me, tracing the embossed gold lettering with their fingers. He would tell them my history. That I’ve been with him since he was just a little boy. A gift from his grandfather, the nightly ritual of reading stories from my pages started way back then.
But those days are over. Left on my own, I can’t help wondering why me? Why now? We were getting along so well I thought. Then, without any warning – poof! – he’s gone. I’m lonely living in an empty house.
There was another time when I thought I had been abandoned. It was a bleak, black period in my life. However, he came back and found me again. Curled up by the fireplace he would read my pages smiling at the memories. Others joined him over the years – young and old. The tradition continued with them all. I was a loved and important part of their lives. It was such a vibrant time. I sat content each day waiting for my turn in the spotlight. Life was good then. Oh how I miss those times!
He’s gone now. And so are all the others. My world is grey and dusty inside and out. It’s reflected in everything around me. Dust collects on the furniture, the shelves, the floor. Sunshine no longer fills the rooms. Windows have grown grimy. Gloomily I wonder what becomes of abandoned old books.
With an aching heart I long for those happy days when the house was full of love and laughter. Screeching kids zooming around. Sitting on the shelf watching and listening to it all filled me with happiness. Tired by the end of the day, they would huddle around the fireplace with the grown ups. That was my favourite time of the day. Perhaps that’s what book heaven will be like. I hope so.
© Raili Tanska