A felon, you say? It would appear to be so (hanging head in shame).
A sordid but true tale. A recent event – freshly pressed. Let me fast forward you to the Courts. At this stage it is too early to tell if this will ever eventuate. He is on the loose, as it were. I have simply projected my mind to a possible future in some other dimension.
Imagine this. Standing in the docks in the Adelaide Magistrate’s Court is a middle aged man in handcuffs. He is a much loved son, brother, husband, father, a respected businessman and friend to many. Looking dishevelled and a little confused he stands quietly listening. If you look closely you might catch the light glistening on a single tear rolling discretely down his cheek. He ignores it. His lawyer is addressing the Magistrate. Sitting in the court room is his loyal wife, the only other person present.
Albeit unusual, this is not a high profile case. Yet. IT’S ABOUT ICE! No, not that kind. The cold kind.
“Your Honour, we enter a plea for leniency. My client is an honest and respected member of our society. I humbly beg the court to take into consideration the following:
The alleged crime of which he stands accused is a first offence of the most unusual kind.
My client is not a dealer of illicit substances.
Neither is he a user of said substances.
He is a loving father to his two children. Now adults and upright citizens of said society.
He is happily married – for longer than most these days. Testament to this is his beautiful wife present here today.
He is far too busy in his business to even consider a career in crime. He is too time poor.
At the time of the alleged offending, my client was unaware he was even committing a crime.
He was on an errand for his loving wife….”
Returning to The Now, just what is it that happened to lead to this dire state of affairs?
This is the accused’s statement of events that occurred on December 12th , 2015–
So, today I went to the local servo to get ice.
“Can I have 3 bags of ice please?”
“Certainly, but we have a special, 4 bags for $11.00 whereas 3 bags is $13.60.”
“Cool, I’ll pay for 4 but I only need 3 bags”
“I’m sorry but if you take 3, I will have to charge you $13.60”.
(Confused). “Ok, I’ll take 4”. And gave him $11.00 and went to the freezer and loaded 3 bags into my car.
As I was getting into my car, over the loudspeaker, “Excuse me sir, you need to get another bag”.
Drove out giving the bird* like a boss.
(Addit – *giving the bird = giving the finger = rude gesture)
We now turn to others for their views and comments :
His concerned oldest brother asked the accused – Is this actually true?
His response – True to every word, mate. Still baffles me.
His equally concerned and beautiful wife said –
“That’s my servo where I fill up. Now I can’t go there cause you went in my car instead of the less conspicuous Aussie Muscle Ute. I send him out for bread and ice and he gets into all sorts of trouble.”
His children and other relatives have remained ominously silent. Perhaps they are in hiding.
There was a deeply mixed response to the alleged crime from those who know him –
One person thought his image may be posted on SA police news
Well done, said another. You’ve committed the first reverse-robbery. You do a raid on an unsuspecting business and leave them BETTER OFF than when you arrived. Next time, wear a mask…
A fellow shop assistant felt deeply for the victim of the alleged crime.
I have nothing further to report at this stage. It may be a crime in a tea-cup that will fade into anonymity. I leave you to decide that for yourselves.
© Raili Tanska